Patti LuPone on Madonna, Kim Kardashian’s Acting: ‘There’s Just Some Things People Can’t Do’

“Don’t even try it. They can’t do everything,” the three-time Tony winner declared on Hot Ones Versus after devouring a death wing.

At this point, it’s basic fact that Patti LuPone is a national treasure. But in case you weren’t in the know (you’re probably one of the last remaining straights), she just proved as much during her recent appearance on Hot Ones Versus with former co-star, Aubrey Plaza.

As the three-time Tony winner promotes The Roommate, a new Broadway play in which she stars opposite Mia Farrow, she spilled all on living with Plaza after filming Agatha All Along (apparently, LuPone almost killed her), who didn’t deserve a Tony award (Joanna Gleason), and the Broadway show that should’ve closed far earlier than it did (Cats). While most death wings were spared, a corner of Hollywood was most certainly not.

When Plaza asked her to eat a death wing or apologize for her previous comments about Madonna’s acting capabilities (“She couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag. She should not be in film or on stage.”) on Watch What Happens Live, Lupone stared straight down the lens and tore into a wing. Plaza, for her part, begged LuPone to be her mommy each and every time she so much as nibbled on one.

“I saw her, I’ve seen her on stage and I saw her in a movie, and I went, ‘Eh, OK.’ You know? There’s just some things some people can’t do, and you’ve just got to admit that you can’t do it, that’s all,” LuPone said after she’d finished chewing. “Don’t even try it. They can’t do everything.”

“Marry me,” Plaza responded. LuPone, however, wasn’t finished.

“Like Kim ҒUCҜing Kardashian! Can we go there? Or shall I eat a wing?” she tacked on. Legend.

Now, this isn’t the first time LuPone has spoken about Kardashian’s attempts on screen. She also had a lot to say during that April 2023 Watch What Happens Live appearance. When asked about Kardashian’s performance in American Horror Story, LuPone addressed the billionaire entrepreneur directly.

“Excuse me, excuse me, Kim, you know, what are you doing with your life?” LuPone asked before adding: “Don’t get on the stage, Mrs. Worthington.” This, of course, is an allusion to the stage-mother character in Noel Coward’s 1935 song “Mrs. Worthington.” In the song, Mrs. Worthington urges her “vile” and largely talentless daughter to be a performer. We love a reference!

Anyway. I’m with Plaza. When it comes to LuPone, I don’t know whether I want to marry her or make her be my mommy.